Recently, I’ve decided to commit fully to God. I realized that I can’t lead my own life and need his guidance to truly be happy. As I have been seeking him whole heartedly and have asked him to come into my life, I have seen so many changes for the better in such a short amount of time. It amazes me and it’s hard to believe at times that this is all true. The Lord has also been working in my daughter. She talks about how she wants to do good for him, help others, and gets emotional talking about the Lord. She recently told me she wasn’t afraid of dying because she knew she would go to heaven to be with the Lord and would see me there since we are believers! It’s so amazing that a 9 year old understands that and it overwhelms me with happiness to know she will grow up knowing about who Jesus is. I never had that so I’m happy to think she can live a better life than I did. She’s also helping me grow stronger in my faith to see how excited she is and how well she understands. It’s hard to explain, but I have this fire burning inside of me that is so eager to get to know him, to please him, to do what is right. I want to become the woman he has made me to be and find my purpose/will for my life. It’s also been very hard to understand and comprehend how much he loves me because of the lack of love and emotional support I have encountered in my earthly life. I have always felt that I am not enough or failed at life due to failed relationships, lack of support from family, and never truly being “happy.” It even led me to a point of depression. By reaching out to others, attending church faithfully, seeking gods help, and getting connected, it has given me hope that I have a purpose in life and god will show that to me. I know he is working in me too because I have “fear” for the Lord when I do sin. I feel condemnation and guilt that I never felt before. I know this a good thing because I want to please him, but understanding his grace and forgiveness is hard for me as my life has revolved in making others happy and never giving myself grace. I pray he removes the temptations that lead me to sin, learn to give myself grace, understand he forgives me when I honestly repent, grow in my faith and trust in him so I can fully understand how much he loves me without having doubts, and leads me to correct path/person he wants me to be with. I don’t want to make my own choices anymore and I pray for a future spouse that can provide that love, encouragement, and support I have always needed. I want us to serve the lord together and live to please him. I’m trying very hard to learn and understand as much as I can. At times, it can be overwhelming because I feel like I don’t understand or haven’t read something in the Bible someone is talking about, but with time and perseverance, I trust that god will place me where I need to be in his timing. Praying for patience as well as I get overwhelmed taking so much on, bills, and the responsibilities of a single mom. I hope the Lord knows I am trying my best as a new baby Christian! ❤️
